Dude of the Bracelet
by GirlEnigma
Summary: *DISCONTINUED* Froho Daggins has been sent on a mission! A mission to destroy the evil bracelet. But he didn't know they had MINIONS!
1. Enter the Man

One day, an uneventful yet peaceful day, tucked away in the Shire, Gandalf the Grey approached Froho Daggins in the ghetto. Froho was an interesting hobbit, in his prime. Although his personality had always lacked a little maturity and...maturity.

"Hello Froho Daggins," the old, tall wizard said, "I would like you to do a favour for me."

"Whatyda want ya big gay mango?" Froho replied, picking a leaf from between his toes.

"Ahem," Gandalf said, "I would like you to take this bracelet to Mordor and destroy it."

With that Gandalf pulled a shiny, silver bracelet out of his pocket.

"Daaamn! Ya homo! Where the hell did you get that shit?!"

"It's an evil bracelet that will rule the world."

"I duno 'bout no evil bracelet...but that shit is bling-blingin'! Why do ya wanna destroy this chain?"

"...Because it's evil and plans to take over the world."

"That's some crazy shit," Froho replied, snatching the bracelet, "I'll do it!"

So Froho packed his things and was about to leave the Shire. However Gandalf enlisted Sam, Froho's pesky gardener, to help him.

Froho had been walking quite a bit and had noticed the fat hobbit trailing silently behind him. Froho finally decided to confront Sam about his mission as he stopped for a breather.

"What da hell are ya followin' me for? ...You ain't a stalker are ya?"

"No, Mr. Froho," Sam said politely, "Gandalf asked me to help you with your burden, sir."

"What burden?"

"The task of destroying the bracelet."

"Well...I wasn't really gonna destroy it... Just move away and worship it," Froho confessed.

"That's bad, Mr. Froho."

"Yeah, well, whoever said I'm a good person?" Froho asked, "If you're gonna follow me around like a lost pup then carry my sack for me."

"Yes sir," Sam said, picking up Froho's two-ton backpack, leaning with the weight.

They travelled to the edge of the Shire and bumped into two more fellow hobbits on a mission of their own.

"You punks are stealing again aren't ya!" Froho said after examining the situation.

"He won't miss any of it," Perigreen Took, AKA Pippin, said, hopping off down a hill.

"Yeah!" Meriadoc Brandybuck agreed, AKA Merry, following his friend.

"Now you guys better give him back his crops!" Sam insisted, nagging after them.

"Oh go chew on a sock Sam," Pippin said, sitting down on the road to eat a mushroom.

"Yum! Mushrooms!" Sam exclaimed, eating one too.

"Hey..." Froho said, "Maybe we shouldn't be sittin' in the street, yo. Mum always said"

"Shut up already Froho," Merry said, giving him a mushroom, "I wasn't going to hold out on you."

"Cool," Froho said, eating the mushroom.

Suddenly a cold gust of wind ran down the road and all four hobbits turned to look down the road. The trotting of a horse's hooves was heard from off in the distance.

"This is bad," Froho stated, "We need to haul ass off this road!"

"What he said!" Pippin agreed.

So the hobbits grabbed all of their things quickly and slid off into a cranny in the side of the road. Since hobbits were such small things the rider of the horse could never see them.

The rider of the horse turned out to be very strange looking. He was dressed in a long flowing black cloak, his face hidden beneath the folds. Beetles crawled out of his fingers and his presence gave off an evil aura.

The rider galloped on, ignoring the small things, and left down the road, leaving the hobbits feeling very frightened.

"THAT," Froho exclaimed, pointing after the hooded rider, "was some scary shit."

"Word," Pippin agreed.

"I think he was after you Froho," Merry said, brushing himself off.

"That sucks," Froho said, "Maybe I owe him money?"

"That rider was EVIL, Mr. Froho! Why do you think an evil person would be after you?"

"...Ohhh! ...I got nothing," Froho said.

Sam sighed and pointed to the pocket where Froho had hidden the bracelet; "Maybe he was after a certain evil bracelet you're carrying."

Froho gasped, "I thought the bracelet acted on its own! It has minions?! I wasn't informed of that."

"Gandalf told me that the bracelet is just a tool of the evil Lord Sauron."

"Who's he?"

"He's a big giant eye."

"...?"

"A big giant FLAMING eye."

"Yeah, that makes him a lot more intimidating."

"Fire usually does that."

"So that rider guy is after YOU Froho?" Merry asked, still not gripping the main idea that has been expressed in the dialogue thus far.

"That's right," Sam said.

"That's what HE says," Froho said, pointing at Sam, "I'm still in denial."

Merry paced for a second and then looked at Pippin. "So what you're saying," Merry said, summing up everything, "Is that you have something evil and evil people are chasing you to get it back?"

"Basically," Froho said, rubbing his chin, "But check this shit out. This is a PIMPIN' evil bracelet."

Froho showed the evil bracelet to Merry and Pippin. The silver glinted and winked in the sunlight. Merry and Pippin both gave approving 'ooo's.

"It's very pretty," Pippin nodded.

"Very," Merry, "But I can tell it's evil."

"Yeah," Froho said, putting it away, "Let's just get on with the story. I'm tired of standing on the side of the road like a frickin' hitchhiker."

--

I'm a review whore so...gimme some feedback!


	2. Hittin' the Clubsor the bar in Prancing ...

So the hobbits continued their journey through the woods and snagged a raft. Eventually they made it to the Prancing Pony, a little hotel in the next town. Gandalf was supposed to be meeting them there. Little did they know that Gandalf wouldn't be making it...because of a certain meeting with Sarumon.

"How do you know all of this Sarumon?" Gandalf asked his colleague, the white wizard.

"Well, duh, I've turned to the dark side. Naturally," Sarumon said, kicking the shiznit out of Gandalf and locking him on the roof, "Now until you behave you're not coming down!"

Froho and the other hobbits went into the Prancing Pony and approached the bar keep.

"We're here to meet Gandalf the Gay...I mean Grey," Froho said, looking up at the guy.

"Nobody here by that name!" the barkeep replied, "Sorry kid."

"I'm not a KID!" Froho complained, walking away, "I'm 50! I like to kick orcs, stretch and punch giant spiders! I'm 5-0."

"Who are you kidding Froho?" Pippin said, "You don't kill a darn thing through the whole book!"

"You're a little wuss," Merry nodded.

"Shaddap," Froho said, "Let's just get drunk."

"Sweet," Merry said, "Froho's buying!"

And so the little hobbits drank and eventually got very drunk. Froho accidentally bumped into a tall and dark figure covered in a dark cloak.

"Why don't chu watch where youuuuu're going!" Froho giggled, tripping over his own two hairy feet.

"Excuse you," the tall stranger said in a deep, beautiful voice, "You ran into me you stupid kid."

"I'm not a kid!!" Froho slurred.

"My bad. You're a DRUNK kid."

"Now that's better! ...I mean...heeeey."

"C'mon," the man said, grabbing Froho up and carrying him to his room.

After carrying him into his room, the man set Froho down on the bed.

"Hey..." Froho said, sobering up, "You...aren't going to rape me are you?"

"I have a girlfriend, thanks," the man said, unveiling his beautiful face, "And she's the one documenting this story! ...I mean...no...she's an elf... Where did that come from?"

"Maybe you're drunk too," Froho said, petting his new evil chain.

"What are you doing?" the man asked.

"I got this new pimp bracelet! I'm suppose to meet someone here to they can help me destroy it but he's not here."

"That sucks."

"I know this," Froho said, putting the chain away, "Plus this chain has MINIONS! What was that gay guy thinkin' when he gave this thing to me? I can't get to Mordor without his help anyway!"

"Oh. So you have the wraiths after you?" the man said, rubbing his chin, "That really sucks."

"You know what those nasty black things are?"

"Hell yes I do!" he said, sticking out his hand to Froho, "I'm Aragorn. I have like a billion other names but for simplicity's sake just call me Aragorn."

"I'm Froho."

"...I think you and your little friends better stay here with me tonight."

"...Why? You aren't going to rape them are you?"

"NO!" Aragorn said, "How many times do I have to tell you?! I've got a GIRLfriend. I'm not into dudes. Or kids."

"I'M NOT A KID."

"Whatever. Just get them."

"Fine. Whatever."

--

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Ch. 2... all I have done so far. I'll continue if you...review :)


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